The Chairman's Song
(The Policeman's Song by Gilbert & Sullivan)
When you're chairman for the early morning session
there are many, many things that may go wrong.
Your light-hearted mood will change into depression
as will now be made explicit in this song.
When you walk into the castle early Wednesday
and you find the entire conference is gone
though the program says it is a conference day,
then the chairman's lot is not a happy one.
When the speaker, audience and the chairs (!) are gone,
then a chairman's lot is not a happy one.
When you hear a sudden bang that's not so distant,
as the audience throws projectors to the floor...
When the speaker then presents his "young assistant",
and you find that he's not that young anymore...
When the talk's accompanied by piano clinking,
and the speaker's drowned by operatic shriek...
In the bottom of your heart, you can't help thinking:
"I am glad I'm not the chairman all the week!"
When they're shouting modern opera from above,
then the chairman's job is not a job you love.
When a talk's drawn overtime by minutes many
while you've tried to stop the speaker, but in vain,
and he finally stops, you call out: "Questions, any?",
and, not looking: "Thank the speaker once again!"
Nonetheless don't be a chairman duty spurner!
If you find your own resources don't suffice,
use the trick attributed to Anders Björner:
Send a mail to Richard Stanley for advice!
If you find your own resources don't suffice,
send a mail to Richard Stanley for advice!